the worst part of a backrub is that sometimes you can feel his nipples graze your shoulders

Johnny lived in his car, because it was the only way he knew to drive to The Home Depot and make that store’s name literal.

Every once in a while, I’ll think that I understand the world around me.  But then I see that there’s a Yahoo Answers question called “What’s the best way to remove old hard caulk?” and there’s not a single joke answer.

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